By the time my high school years interrupted the simplicity of my early education, I was fluent in the social norm. I could walk and talk like a high school student. I had no desire to stand out in any way that could draw attention to myself more than my taller-than-average stature already did. I wasn't an outcast, I wasn't popular, I wasn't much of anything in those early high school years. I was just one of nearly 2,000 students floating around from class to class, doing the minimum of what was asked of me. In terms of schooling, I've always been consistent with good grades and behavior. I was never a child to worry about. I could get by under the radar, without being noticed for the good or the bad. Yet, as I reflect on my years in high school I find that I wasn't always happy with myself. Noticeable to the general public or not, I felt intensely awkward and uncomfortable for the first half of my journey at North Kingstown High. Thankfully, I eventually found a comfort zone that I could thrive in and become the best me at that point and time.
A large part of my ineptitude was a lack of self-confidence. Like most teenage girls I was never satisfied with my appearance. I was too tall, I wasn't thin enough, my skin was dry and I never had a good hair day. You could write a novel comprised of the flaws that a young self-conscious girl believes she projects to the world. In a way, I let my distorted perception get in the way of my being happy in those beginning years. My insecurities forced a shy nature that only perpetuated the social awkwardness I already felt. Despite my poisonous thoughts, I found people who saw good things in me. The first person that I felt comfort with was Amelia. I met Amelia in sophomore biology and she was everything I was not at the time. She was confident, comfortable, and carefree. Amelia was also friendly, and when we hung out, I felt at ease and my worries about my appearance floated away. Amelia was tall like me and played basketball like me. But I was not sure that I wanted to play basketball in high school until Amelia convinced me that I should. And that one of the most pivotal decisions that I have made in my life. Basketball changed everything about me, for the better.
My first year of high school basketball was a train wreck. A major side effect of my self-consciousness and self-imposed misery was a bad attitude. I was lazy and never wanted to go the extra mile, which did not impress my coaches. Whenever we had to run I was in the back of the pack, complaining about running, always complaining. I realize now how miserably I acted and wonder if it had an effect on people's perceptions of me. Through all of my miserable I was somehow able to make lasting friends on the basketball team. Hours and hours enduring sprints with others can really be a bonding experience. My teammates can always make me laugh, and through laughter and shared punishment on the court, I began to blossom like a rose in the end of season spring that was near and approaching. Something changed in me that first year of basketball. Being smothered by people I have come to love everyday after school only made me want to go to practice and run those sprints just to be with my teammates. It made me want to do something to contribute to the team.
It was just a spark, but it was enough. Come the next season there was a visible transformation in my gait and my personality. I walked with confidence and I felt more comfortable with myself. My favorite part about my transformation was surprising my coaches who had never said so, but had never thought I would become a source of inspiration and motivation to my other teammates. Now instead of running in the back of the pack I was racing the guards back and fourth on the court. No longer was I lazy and you would not hear a complaint coming from me. If my coaches asked something of me, I would do it without hesitation and produce satisfactory results. And I did not just feel comfortable on the court with my teammates but I became a friendlier person who could feel comfortable with anyone in nearly any situation. I also found something in myself that I had not expected to find–I was a good leader. I could give direction and somehow my own motivation became the team’s motivation. I was the underdog that came out and surprised everyone, including myself. Senior year I was appointed Captain.
I found my niche in basketball. In basketball I found opportunities to become a better basketball player and to become a girl who was no longer bound by self-consciousness and negative thoughts. It was almost as if I could finally breathe after a lifetime of holding my breath. It sounds cheesy, but I found myself. Basketball was an experience that altered my life so dramatically that I could never go back. I am a completely different person than I was in my early high school years. I went from negative to positive with the help and acceptance of my team. I realize that I want to always improve upon myself to be the best that I can be and hopefully I can be a role model for anyone else who feels the way I once felt.
A large part of my ineptitude was a lack of self-confidence. Like most teenage girls I was never satisfied with my appearance. I was too tall, I wasn't thin enough, my skin was dry and I never had a good hair day. You could write a novel comprised of the flaws that a young self-conscious girl believes she projects to the world. In a way, I let my distorted perception get in the way of my being happy in those beginning years. My insecurities forced a shy nature that only perpetuated the social awkwardness I already felt. Despite my poisonous thoughts, I found people who saw good things in me. The first person that I felt comfort with was Amelia. I met Amelia in sophomore biology and she was everything I was not at the time. She was confident, comfortable, and carefree. Amelia was also friendly, and when we hung out, I felt at ease and my worries about my appearance floated away. Amelia was tall like me and played basketball like me. But I was not sure that I wanted to play basketball in high school until Amelia convinced me that I should. And that one of the most pivotal decisions that I have made in my life. Basketball changed everything about me, for the better.
My first year of high school basketball was a train wreck. A major side effect of my self-consciousness and self-imposed misery was a bad attitude. I was lazy and never wanted to go the extra mile, which did not impress my coaches. Whenever we had to run I was in the back of the pack, complaining about running, always complaining. I realize now how miserably I acted and wonder if it had an effect on people's perceptions of me. Through all of my miserable I was somehow able to make lasting friends on the basketball team. Hours and hours enduring sprints with others can really be a bonding experience. My teammates can always make me laugh, and through laughter and shared punishment on the court, I began to blossom like a rose in the end of season spring that was near and approaching. Something changed in me that first year of basketball. Being smothered by people I have come to love everyday after school only made me want to go to practice and run those sprints just to be with my teammates. It made me want to do something to contribute to the team.
It was just a spark, but it was enough. Come the next season there was a visible transformation in my gait and my personality. I walked with confidence and I felt more comfortable with myself. My favorite part about my transformation was surprising my coaches who had never said so, but had never thought I would become a source of inspiration and motivation to my other teammates. Now instead of running in the back of the pack I was racing the guards back and fourth on the court. No longer was I lazy and you would not hear a complaint coming from me. If my coaches asked something of me, I would do it without hesitation and produce satisfactory results. And I did not just feel comfortable on the court with my teammates but I became a friendlier person who could feel comfortable with anyone in nearly any situation. I also found something in myself that I had not expected to find–I was a good leader. I could give direction and somehow my own motivation became the team’s motivation. I was the underdog that came out and surprised everyone, including myself. Senior year I was appointed Captain.
I found my niche in basketball. In basketball I found opportunities to become a better basketball player and to become a girl who was no longer bound by self-consciousness and negative thoughts. It was almost as if I could finally breathe after a lifetime of holding my breath. It sounds cheesy, but I found myself. Basketball was an experience that altered my life so dramatically that I could never go back. I am a completely different person than I was in my early high school years. I went from negative to positive with the help and acceptance of my team. I realize that I want to always improve upon myself to be the best that I can be and hopefully I can be a role model for anyone else who feels the way I once felt.